You're Never Truly Alone

Recently, we read articles from Ezra Klein and Roger Ebert on loneliness and how other people (primarily people with disabilities) deal with loneliness. Klein gave examples of how people who cannot function to their fullest mental potential with their physical bodies can now turn to the internet and video games to help them be able to control certain abilities they do not have in real life. This gives people a sense of fullness online, especially if for some reason they cannot interact with people socially everyday. Roger Ebert describes his reality of not being able to talk and how he can hardly physically vocalize himself in public. However, because of the internet and it's ability to connect him with people with whom he can no longer talk to or even possibly have never communicated with otherwise, he has found a new perspective on socializing. Ebert speaks of how it can become lonely inside his own head but once he turns on his laptop is he instantly engaged in diverse and deep conversations. This outlet has helped him keep a sense of social sanity now that he's unable to talk, but he can express everything he wants to share with the world through the internet and have conversations online with his readers. 

Sometimes I do truly feel lonely, but mostly I am rather content with myself. I am someone who's perfectly content with silence. For example, when things suddenly get quiet in class after a conversation dies out kids might be inclined to say "awkward" or make strange eye contact. I however, am perfectly fine with silence. It is more suitable to reflect and come up with a new statement in silence than in commotion. Like everything silence has it's role, and if people stepped back and reflected upon their own actions and the world more often, they would find that silence has a much more important role than one may initially think. As far as loneliness goes, I definitely do feel that way sometimes. However, for me, this is a two way street. I intentionally stay out of the "social scene" among my peers. I have a few really good friends that are all different and that I am thankful for, and a bunch of people who I know and who's company I enjoy, or at the very least, put up with. I stay removed from the big social scene because it allows me to keep better keep my independence plus I have found that there are very few kids my age who see things from the point of view I do.  I always enjoy a good conversation with people and I know that interacting with people is important to both self-fulfillment and advancing socially and economically in life, but I prefer not to get involved in the whole "he said she said" thing because frankly, I really don't care. One of my life goals is "to not get caught up in the rat race". 

Because I am introvert who enjoys the company of people but not necessarily their constant presence and opinions I stay largely out of the party scene and other small hangouts. I try to never attend two parties in back to back nights, which may occur during the summer, simply so I can keep my distance from others, which I value and enjoy. My greatest social strength is that I do not belong to a clique. This is proved by the fact that I have five best friends, people that have always been there for me, people I can really count on, but they are all different in subtle but important ways and they are not all even friends with each other. This social strategy has allowed me to have friends from just about every grade and background still while always maintaining my genuineness.  However I am often left out of simple hangouts since I am not fully involved in my friend's own cliques. My way of socializing is hard to explain and difficult to balance, but this method certainly suits me best and I have developed some simple rules to follow to master it. I sometimes do feel lonely, but I know the reasons why and I am content with my lifestyle. 

Loneliness is not something I look to cure. I embrace being alone as a chance to evaluate myself and learn some new things without the constant judgement of someone else. It can be fun, it's very subtle, and it separates me from most of my friends who are constantly either with people or "plugged in". When I am by myself I like to write, read, listen to music, play guitar, ride my bike, do something simple but productive, or go take a walk through my woods. I need to be secure with my own emotions and perspective before I begin reaching out to others, so I use loneliness as a time to reflect on other people and my relationships with them, and to make sure I don't lose my integrity or values around peer pressure. Surfing the internet certainly helps crave my curiosity about numerous topics, however after about an hour on the computer my eyes hurt from looking at the screen and content starts losing its effect on me so I move on to something else. 

There is one situation, though, that really makes me despise loneliness. Sometimes, I feel disconnected more those close to me, especially with the handful of girls in my grade that I am truly attracted to (to me, attractive means intellectually, physically, philosophically) and I feel like I can't express my true feelings to them correctly. This basically comes back to a lack of self confidence because I am lame. Loneliness really bites at me when I realize that I have so many great things to share, learn, and enjoy with someone, alone, away from the people scene, and I can't quite convey that to them as I wish I would. What I was to gain is the ability to share what I learn both when I am alone and with others, to someone and have them enjoy it and we'll both be interested and amused. I feel like I haven't gained anything until I've shared it with someone else and a positive effect on them, or at least make them think. 

Such is the reason why I agree with Ebert's quote. Despite all of our introspective wonders and the enjoyment of time spent away from the speed of everyday life, people are fundamentally social creatures, and we want to share our experiences with others. Through all of my time spent alone, the lesson that has stuck out to me is that I need to share, comfort, and create with others something larger than ourselves. It is the ability to have a positive impact on someone else's life, to make them wonder, desire, and become more whole, that I seek to provide in my life. I know that in doing this, others will naturally return the favor. Despite all of the time we spend confiding alone or on the internet, let us not forget that it is human nature to socialize with people in the most real way we can. For people like Ebert, that method has no choice but to have a social presence exclusively online, but for the rest of the physically and mentally able world, let's take what we've learned away from the machines and the time spent alone; take it and turn it into something beautiful!